Moments of Fixation

I find I get help back, embarrassed, sweaty hands, confused, distracted, worried and stressed out by certain moments in a performance or meeting at work.

There is often a significant few moments in a presentation or performance that I seem to focus on.

Sometimes I am required to perform when I am not ready. The presence of the audience always makes things worse. The performance is just not good enough.

Sometimes I am required to perform when I AM ready. When I have done all the required work and I am fit and 'the best' man for the job.The presence of the audience still has the same affect and no matter what I do the nerves of the situation get too much and the performance is not good enough.

It's as though preparation doesn't solve this problem. (I do do a lot of preparation). It's as though the prying eyes of the audience is completely disabling.

It's as though I fixate on those few moments of significance and they begin to distract me and destroy me.



Those moments of significance exist because they portray an important meaning. Those moments seem to hold significance because the audience will use them to make their judgement. Those moments in a meeting at work are important because they portray an important meaning.

This week, following a number of performances (a few solos) in the musical South Pacific at The Kings School I realised something significant.

These moments of signifiance can only exist as long as they fit within the entire performance. The fact that you have conjured up these signifiant moments is a testement to your ability to perform. These moments are a sign that the audience is engaged... Those moments are only significant because they come before and after something else.

My solution is leading me to place in which all efforts are 'preparation'. All blocks in a performance are equally important.

The mind space of the performer should be constant and let the audience chose to engage when it pleases them.

In a performance. All phrases are equally important. They are all leading to those moments of significance. The truth is that there is no such thing as a moment of signifiance. Fixating on individual moments is a purposeless effort.

Accept that each sentence in a presentation is as important as every other sentence. Accept that the moments of significance only work if they fit within all other moments.

Everything is a form of preparation. Perfection is not important. Mistakes are completely acceptable. Mistakes can be valuable and enjoyable.

I imagine a 'curve of the experience'. The start and end are simple and not demanding and perhaps there is a climax. There are no sudden spikes in the experience of the performer. There should be no moments of fixation.

To understand the 'curve of the experience' is to accept that each block is equally important.

If nothing else. Harnessing an equal amount of energy on each phrase can help curb those moments of stress & panic. Let the 'present' moment distract you. Enjoy how each moment unfolds.

That moment, later in the performance... that moment in tomorrows presentation... that moment in the future... that moment is now... engage and prepare and when that moment strikes let is pass in the acceptance that is is as important as everything that has lead up to it.

A moment is 'made to be important' because of what comes before it.

Try to be the best man for the job and let go of concern for any individual moment.

Moments of significance are simple blocks placed carefully on top of other simple blocks in an arrangement that captures the imagination of the audience. On it's own it holds no challenge.

This idea came to me following the comment of a friend... "wow, you have excellent posture when you place." Here complement gave my brain the space to free up and consider myself objectively.